By: Iza Chavez
Loneliness. This word does not leave us indifferent. For some, loneliness is associated with feelings of isolation, boredom, sadness, disappointment, pain… For others, on the other hand, loneliness is related to tranquility, connection with the environment or with oneself, reflection… In the same way that he himself Food excites some and displeases others, loneliness can also generate very different emotions, which will depend on the history of vital learning that each of us has. History that we are changing and expanding with each step we take.
The human being is an eminently social being. We need cooperation with other people to survive, develop, learn, entertain ourselves, etc. and this is especially true in a society as interconnected as ours. Therefore, learning to develop and maintain relationships with other people and enjoy them is essential. Some people will like this fact more than others, but what is clear is that if loneliness is part of our lives it is important that we learn not only to assume and manage it but also to enjoy it. However, for many people these moments alone are distressing or weigh them down like a stone.
What are the consequences of not knowing how to be alone?
Avoid loneliness at any cost, sometimes at great personal cost. Getting distressed when we are alone: There will be times when we have no choice but to stay at home or in a lonely situation Depend on others: If I seek to be with other people at all costs, I am more likely to be willing to accept plans that I do not like. I will have less control to decide when a plan does not interest me or even to negotiate with others and propose activities that I feel like or am excited about, since others will probably feel comfortable saying no to what does not compensate them. Getting involved in unhealthy relationships: If my priority is avoiding loneliness, chances are I’d prefer any company to none. This makes me vulnerable to starting friendships or relationships with people who do not treat me well or who make me suffer, since I will think that the alternative (being alone) is much worse.
How can I learn to be alone and enjoy it?
Anticipate the benefits: Before changing any behavior, I first have to be clear about what I want to do it for and why this is going to be an improvement. Why do you want to learn to be alone? To be able to rest at home? To not feel anguish when you run out of plans? Because the fear of loneliness is preventing you from cutting off certain relationships that hurt you? Each person has their reasons and only starting from them will we have enough motivation to make changes.Find solo activities that you like: Make a list of everything you can think of that you might enjoy. Think about activities that you have enjoyed in the past, that have caught your attention at some point or ask your acquaintances what they do when they are home alone.Choose a couple of activities and put them into practice: Choose those activities that make you less lazy, are more attractive, easier, etc. Get everything you will need to put it into practice (eg, materials, programs…).
Create a pleasant climate: Make sure to choose a time when you will be able to be calm, without rushing, without having many pending tasks to doTime is not to take advantage of it: A thought that sometimes stops us is the feeling that “we are wasting time”. It is possible that when we are at home we generally dedicate this time to fulfilling our obligations and this leads us to feel guilty if we put these tasks aside and dedicate ourselves to leisure.Adapting these guidelines to your particular needs and lifestyle will help you gain greater freedom and conquer vital spaces and times. It will allow you to be more independent of other people’s plans or decisions and to gain autonomy. It may also help you face your fears and put them to the test. However, changing this pattern of functioning can sometimes be difficult, as it forces us to face negative emotions or situations that are uncomfortable for us, as well as to practice new skills and activities.
