By: Luis Eduardo Vazquez
It seems that when our son becomes teenagers our relationship begins to deteriorate; «My son does not listen to me», «It seems that I am talking to the wall» Do these phrases sound familiar to you? Well, it seems
that this has some scientific basis.
According to a recent study published by Stanford University, adolescents from the age of 13 stop sympathizing with the mother’s voice and begin to feel more curious about the voices of strangers, which could explain why at that age they begin to want to spend more time with their friends and reduce time with family.
In this research, there was a sample of 46 boys and girls between the ages of seven and 16 who underwent medical tests to see what was happening to their brains while they listened to recordings of their mother’s voice and that of unknown women. The results showed that the responses of adolescents and young children were different. In the older ones, a light went on in the brain in the area responsible for social relationships when they heard unfamiliar voices.
Furthermore, this area of the brain is implicated in emotional decision making, due to its possible involvement in affective investment learning, risk propensity, and impulsivity. This particular characteristic in the brain of adolescents is also related to the interest of young people in other types of social signals, and according to experts, this is a healthy and normal process of maturation. “A child becomes independent at some point, and that has to be precipitated by an underlying biological signal,” explains lead study author Vinod Menon, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford. This is a sign that helps teens engage with the world and form connections that allow them to be socially adept outside of their families.
Can we parents do something? More than preventing, we can cushion. The secure attachment, values and trust that we create in our children when they are young will be protective factors for the adolescent stage. And on the contrary, the lack of affection, empathy and communication, among other variables, can put our relationship with them at risk and make this stage very difficult for both the children and for us as parents.
The main action that parents of adolescent children must carry out is to work through the mourning, to understand that their child is no longer a small child who will always go to mom and dad to resolve conflicts, accept and understand that he is a teenager who is going to try to face the conflicts and obstacles that he encounters in his day-to-day life on his own.
